Hey Funding Agencies, Stop Scamming My Shit!

Posted on January 26, 2012 | 20 Comments

I have to be honest, I feel a little funny writing about the funding game, and what-not.  It’s not really my thing.  My thing is shoes and jams and hilarious science mommy stories.  But the truth is, although I don’t blog about it often, I spend some part of my time thinking about grants and what-not.  Recently I have gotten myself into a situation that has raised my ire.

The NIH still provides the meat and potatoes funding of our humble little group, but its cute to have additional side dish funding from private agencies and foundations.  Very, very often, however, I see requests for proposal come across my desk that announce grants with money for supplies, but specifically noting that the funds cannot be used to fund personnel.  I feel torn about applying for them.  It would be really nice to have the additional money for supplies, but how does one pay for the labor?  Especially when they are a small group or early in their career?

And I am not talking about cute little internal pilot awards of $10K here and $25K there.  I’m talking about national awards from places like the American [Insert Disease Name] Association or the National Council on [Insert Disease Name].  Today I received a request for proposal for an award that offers $100K+ for three years that specifically says:

These grants do not cover the recipient’s or other faculty salaries, but do provide salary support for technical help.

At least this one allows salary support for lab personnel, but how exactly is the PI supposed to fund their time? Surely a PI is not contributing 0% effort for 0% salary, so where else is the salary funding coming from?  Presumably from a department who generously lets said faculty member out of duties to administer a program that pays no salary support?  But, if you’re soft money faculty, forget about it.    It’s like having toilet paper that you can’t even use to wipe your own ass.  Only the asses of those around you.

This has especially raised my ire lately because I have found myself involved in a project that comes with no salary support for anyone involved.  I justify it to myself because my salary is covered elsewhere and my time sufficiently allocated for research for the duration of the project and the data should translate into some cute little papers, but I frequently think about what it would be like if the situation were different.

It’s a huge scam to not offer salary support because it means that someone else – another department or another funding agency (dare we discuss the ethics of that) foots the bill in part for the completion of a project.  Funding a project without entirely funding the labor is bullshittery at its finest.

It’s shady behavior and I suspect that funding agencies think it means that they are funding more project than they could if they also had to fund salaries.  But, it’s shady.  Damn, damn shady.

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Wednesday Afternoon Ass Shaking Jam

Posted on January 25, 2012 | 1 Comment

This song showed up recently on the Pandora station I use when I am running.  It is responsible for more than one pulled gluteal muscle as I attempt to run with swagga…

And don’t think for a second that it hasn’t been Hammer Time more than once recently in La Oficina de Isis…

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The Saga of the Lost Glove(s)

Posted on January 25, 2012 | 30 Comments

Dear readers, I begin today’s post with a question for you all.  What suture do you believe would be most appropriate for securing my child’s gloves to his hands for the remainder of the winter?

Figure 1:  I was considering a 3-0 coated vicryl on a reverse cutting needle.  Vicryl is typically absorbed within about 2 months, which should get us through the rest of the winter.  But, I’m open to suggestions.

I kid you not, were it not for the threat of prison (which I would not do well in.  I would be popular, no doubt, but I would not do well)….

Little Isis is now officially on his fourth pair of gloves this winter.  And we are less than two months into winter in this part of our fair country.  We began the season with a cool pair of red gloves that Little Isis picked out himself.  When one of the sporty red gloves was lost after a week, I picked up a cheap pair from Target.  Really, they were one of the last pairs that Target carried as the mothers who knew better had already stocked up on multiple pairs for the season.  Then, when one of those was lost, we went a week or two without gloves until it became cold enough to break out the serious winter jacket.  The serious winter jacket comes with hardcore, attached mittens.  These mittens are no joke.

Except that as of two days ago, one of the mittens is officially MIA. How he got the mitten off of the jacket is beyond me.  I suspect that the mitten may have realized its eventual fate and made a run for it.

Now, frequent readers of this humble blog may remember that my son regularly melts down over a Croc that he lost more than three years ago.  My kid holds vigils for this Croc – a Croc that he has named Friendy.  The gloves, however?  Fuck those bitches!  He thumbs his nose in their general direction. Little Isis cannot be bothered to find room in his cold, black heart for a lost glove.  I am convinced that, come springtime when the snow melts, we are going to find  the playground at his school to be littered with the soggy, mud-crusted remains of all his lost gloves.

Figure 2: Thank you for your bravery, fallen soldier. (source)

Last night, after I learned of the lost glove and that he had been wearing a pair of his friend’s gloves for two days, I confronted the young lad about his apparent disregard for warm winter outerwear.  I, perhaps, expressed dismay that a non-insignificant portion of my grocery budget is being spent to keep this kid in gloves and that, based on current projections, he will need 5 more pairs of gloves before the end of winter.  His response?

“Mommy, don’t get angry at me about this or I am going to call the police.”

What could a mother do except pull her phone from her purse, hand it to her misguided offspring and inform him, “Go right ahead.  But, do you know what happens when the police think that children aren’t cared for?  They take the children away and send them to live with a new family.  I can only hope that this new family is rich so that they can afford your glove habit.”  Thankfully, he had the memory of Friendy the Croc to comfort him because his mother is clearly an uncaring troll of a wench.

And, if I do get thrown in jail over a glove, at least maybe I’ll get a full night’s sleep.

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Dr Isis’s Friday (er, Monday) Fashion Fuck Yeah!

Posted on January 23, 2012 | 16 Comments

So, it’s Monday.  Not Friday.  Let’s all just get that out in the open.  But, I’m not going to apologize.  Mama’s got shit to do and what-not. 

Now, back to business.

Until recently I haven’t painted my nails, pretty much ever.  I wash my hands about a hundred times a day and anytime I have paid for a pricey manicure I have ended up with nails that look like this :

Figure 1: Chipped as balls.

Recently though my friend talked me into getting a shellac manicure. After being told that it lasts from 2 weeks to a month, I decided to try it.  The shellac manicure was created by a company called CND.  You can watch CND’s infomercial for the shellac manicure here.  But, you should only watch it if you have something sharp to stab yourself in the eye with nearby.  These women will make your ass twitch. #firstworldproblems indeed.

For more hilarious information, I generally watch “beauty tutorials” on Youtube.  I have discovered this woman called “Leighannsays”.  I knew I was meant to love her when I saw that she had a video called “Big Texas Hair”.

Video 1: Big Texas Hair.

She does a little review of shellac nails here.  She cracks me up.  I think she drinks.

So, in short, the manicurist puts a coating of colored gel on top of your nail and then it cures for 2 minutes under a UV light.  Then, it’s all dry.  I didn’t have to wait for anything to dry.  Nothing smudged or chiped. It took in total about 20 minutes.   I had it done nine days ago and here’s how it looks:

Figure 2: SHELLAC!!!

Nine days later and these fools are not chipped.  What you can see is the little bit of my new nail growth at the bottom.  Still, not chippage and no nail breakage.  This is unheard of for me, so I am over all a fan.  The one down side?  I’ll probably pick something a bit more neutral next time.  This reddish brownish coppery color was cute when I got it, but I’m over it now.

 

 

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If You’re Going to Sniff My Ass, I Am Not Going to Help With Your Reach

Posted on January 23, 2012 | 7 Comments

Internet guest blogging sensation GeekMommyProf is holding it down over at Scientopia this week.  There, she’s written a post about how much of a “mentor’s work” lab members should be allowed to taken when they leave for a new faculty position.  She writes:

I looked closely at his application materials when he assembled them (the CV, research and teaching statements). His research statement was solid, he proposed several interesting and relevant directions of research that leverage his expertise and are direct outcomes of the work he did in my group. I think it’s perfectly fine that he will take the projects he’s been working on and start his own program.

I find the discussion of “who owns what” between a mentor and a trainee to be mildly ridiculous.  Theoretically, a mentor and a trainee develop ideas and questions based on mutual interactions.  Thus, it would make sense that they would pursue related questions. And, one would think, that scientists at this level are creative enough that, given the same questions and similar tools, they still might address the question differently.  See an example of this from frequent blog crasher Physioprof. 

The only issues of “ownership” I have dealt with have been with regards to equipment when I was given some equipment to take with me because another lab was closing.  That was no joke.

Still, there is a part of GMP’s post that raised my ire.  She continues:

Actually, I found his research section to be quite extensive and carry quite a few surprises: in addition to description of the work that he has been doing and the work that he listed in his research statement, there are several research items that are directly taken from my other ongoing projects in which he was never involved, but of which he heard  in group meetings. He also wrote about some project ideas on which I have either recently submitted proposals or I am planning to do so shortly (as in, I am currently writing and will submit in the next few weeks); these ideas were tossed around in the group meeting or in the meetings with other collaborators.

Having been the recent recipient of such behavior, I can only say that this is douchebaggery at its finest.  Certainly, one is influenced by what they hear discussed in lab and collaborator meetings, but taking ideas discussed by another  in one of these venues verbatim and presenting them as your own is pretty deplorable.

I happen to think that lab meetings should be considered privileged communications.  A place where people can discuss their ideas without worrying that their ass is being sniffed by the guy next to them.  A few months ago I heard some ideas presented by someone.  I have not been working directly with this person but, as a result of our collaborative lab meetings, they are generally privy to what I am working on.  Imagine my dismay when I started hearing ideas from this person that sounded more and more like mine.  Until they were basically mine.  This person even then asked to meet with me to get “my ideas” on how she should do “her project.”   Sure, ideas are a dime a dozen and what matters is execution.  But, at the same time, intragroup meetings should be a place where you don’t have to worry that everyone is on your jock.  And, if someone is going to sniff my ass, I am certainly not going to help them with their reach.

Thing is, I’m not really that hurt in the long run.  A smidge, but not really.  I’ll get to the smidge momentarily, but first the not really. People generally recognize an ass sniffer when they see one.  I also have the benefit of pilot data that my peeps and I collected that tell me that this idea, with my experimental design, isn’t going to work.  Also, I have data that suggest that the technique we were using is probably bullshit.  It would seem fair that if a person wants my ideas, they should also come with my mistakes. 

But, now for the smidge.  I have basically given this person the big freeze because I don’t trust her not to step to my shnizz.  To me, there’s a difference between someone doing an experiment after they hear, “Boy, wouldn’t it be interesting if someone blah, blah, blah, ” and “I have a hypothesis and this is how I intend to test it over the next [insert time frame]“.  That means that I have been less free with discussing our ideas at our weekly meetings. 

That makes my ass twitch a bit.  But, at least it’s not being sniffed.

[And lest anyone accuses yours truly of sniffery, I discovered this conversation after reading a post at Drugmonkey's joint. So, h/t Dr. Monkey]

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