On How Frost Bitten Ass Crack is Clearly a Runner’s Problems…

Earlier today I posted on this blog, intending to poke a little at ole Prof-Like Substance. PLS has recently taken up running and, if you follow on Twitter, you might have noticed that I have been teasing him about needing running tights.

Having grown up in a warm weather place, I hate to be cold. So, running tights are essential for me, but I don’t like to wear anything else if I’m wearing tights. Life just gets too sweaty. Well, today my tights got the best of me. On Saturday I went to the local running pro shop for a new pair and the nice fella sold me a pair of New Balance tights. I’ve never had New Balance tights, but he seemed to like them. He said to me the word’s I’ll never forget:

You’re going to love these tights. They’ve got the wind blocker in the front, but they’re still breathable in the back.

I tried them on, liked the freedom of movement around the knees, and went with them. I raced in them yesterday without a problem. Today, however, was a windier day and I realized the limitation of my tights’ technology. If its windy, and your runs tend to take you in loops, you end up with the wind at your back where your tights are not wind proof.

If, like occurred today, the wind at your back occurs at the end of your run, then you’ve got below freezing winds beating up against a sweaty ass crack.

Then, and I’ll need to ask you to trust me on this one, you end up with a wind burnt and frost bitten ass crack. This situation is not cute.

I’m now having to tend carefully to my poor, chafed self. Not since college has my poor backside been covered in so much Vaseline. Next time the running shop guy tries to talk me into a new type of tight, I’m going to make sure the wind proofing goes all the way around….

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14 responses to “On How Frost Bitten Ass Crack is Clearly a Runner’s Problems…

  1. Not since college has my poor backside been covered in so much Vaseline.

    There is a non-zero chance that I will put that on a counted-cross stitch sampler for you. But I’ll refrain from delving further.

    (Also, I’m now strengthened in my resolve to seek my cardio indoors, via swimming and Zumba and such. Because I hate the cold even more than you do.)

  2. Isis the Scientist

    If that ended up on a cross stitch, my life would be complete.

    I’ve done Zumba a couple of times and it has taught me that I am not very coordinated. I am really more well-suited for sports that simply require moving forward.

  3. See, this is why tights suck. I’m still holding out despite having been gifted a pair (of tights) this holiday season. Sure, it’s cold, but not unbearable. I’ve lived in MUCH colder places than I do now and I don’t mind my legs cooling off a bit while running. It’s like icing while running!

    Now if I can keep for bailing on this snow and ice, that would be more interesting. I tried yaktracks, but the second you hit some ice or metal (like a bridge) they basically become a frictionless surface.

  4. Isis the Scientist

    Without the tights, I would be wind burnt everywhere though. Let’s not overlook that…

    The traction bit is the thing that still gets me. I don’t have a good solution other than to avoid ice and bridges.

  5. Pingback: Running fool | Prof-Like Substance

  6. And this is why I only buy underarmor.

  7. This is exactly why I have an elliptical in my basement. 1. Hate the stupid prairie wind. 2. No one wins when they run/speed walk on ice.

  8. Body Glide! [As both a preventative, and a soothe-ative. Bonus because it won't ruin your undergarments.]

    Apply liberally, and do not share.

  9. And this is why I only wear Under Armour while using my elliptical in my basement (gotta try Body Glide).

  10. A&D ointment. so much better than vaseline. and for baby butts as well. Clear it up in no time.

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  12. Isis the Scientist

    Under Armour is less of an option for us rounder bottomed gals. And now, unfortunately, frost bittened bottomed gals. And when you’re desperate, you’ll grab what’s close.

  13. http://www.amazon.com/Ultra-Snow-Ice-Cleats work better for my walking all winter in South Dakota. The tungsten carbide spikes last a long time and if you watch them you can replace them when they start to wear down. With Yaktrax, the rubber and spirals shifted over long time walking and the ends of the springs stuck out.

  14. Pingback: The Long Con Rolls On: Armey Dishes Dirt on FreedomWorks | Mike the Mad Biologist

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