There Ain’t No Way (Sung in the Key of “No Me Jodas”)

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck.

That’s the only way I can describe today.  Fuck.  All a big bag of fuck.

I know that universities have some infrastructures that makes them work but, damn it, sometimes those infrastructures can suck my ass.  For example, I happen to have an appointment in a particular department.  My office, however, is in another department. It’s a pretty baller office. I see the folks in this other department every day.   They help me with stuff and I like them a lot.   However, when appointments were updated for the new year, my “office address” was updated in our university’s directory as being the business office for the department where my appointment is.

So, what’s the problem with this, you ask?  This has triggered the department where my office is to start returning my mail to sender.  Because, surely I don’t work here any more.

Even though I see them every day.

Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if it were the standard junk mail that people get in a day.  Return all that shit to sender, I say.  However, they also returned a lab order to sender.  A $5000 lab order.  Which the supplier now wants to charge us a 25% restocking fee in order to return.  But, they’ll totally comp the return shipping in “good faith” and all.

And this was just how the day started.   At 10am I then went to a meeting for some work my group has been contracted to do.  The overall project manager passed out some handouts, including a timeline for the work.  He said, “And we expect that Isis will deliver her part of the project in 30 days.”  To this I could only reply, “Do you understand what the project entails?”

[insert the sound of crickets chirping]

“This project calls for 50 replicates.  Each replicates requires 4 hours.  That’s 200 solid hours of experiments.  Or five weeks of solid experiments.  That’s assuming no one ever stops to pee.  Or eat.  I’m about k3rning the fuck out of people and all, but…”

I knew it was going to be a less than hilarious day when someone from the lab, after hearing me perhaps utter a bad word or two, came into my office and said, “You know those inspirational quotes people put at the bottom of their email signatures?  Yours should be ‘No me jodas.’”

All of this before 11 am and I am still in my office several hours past dinner time. I have created a dinner by raiding the lab meeting snacks.  I feel like Corn Nuts and chocolate covered almonds are perhaps not my best choice ever.

Damn it!