You’re a d00dly d00d. Everyone around you since birth has been praising you for sharing your thoughts, opining on topics far and wide, and generally taking fucking action!
You have just visited a feminist blog, have read a post and/or some other comments, and your d00dly opining d00d brain lobe is pulsating like a motherfucker with all sorts of extremely important d00dly things to share with the laydeez. Will you get your sorry d00d ass handed to you on a fucking platter? Or will you be a tolerated visitor? Comrade PhysioProf is here to share his tips with you on avoiding d00d ass platter handitude!
(1) If you are leaving the first comment to a post, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(2) If you are using the words “men”, “boys”, “fathers”, or “sons”, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(3) If you are using the words “should” or “useful”, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(4) If you are telling people that talking about this, that, or the other issue is fine, but also asking them what they are doing about this issue, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(5) If you are complaining that by being “mean”, people that might be allies are being turned off, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(6) If you are asking what you can do to help, you are probably not fucking up.
(7) If you are being told that you have said something offensive, and you indulge your immediate (and understandable) defensive emotional reaction with statements like, “I didn’t mean anything by it” or “you are overreacting”, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(8) If you are being told that you have said something offensive, and you suppress your immediate defensive reaction, think about what you have been told for a while, genuinely apologize, and attempt to learn from what you are told, you are probably not fucking up.
(9) If you are talking about how important your grandmother, mother, sister, wife, daughters are to you, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(10) If you are pointing out how attractive/not attractive a woman is, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(11) If you are talking about the experiences of women you know and distinguishing them from experiences of women being stated directly on the blog, you are almost certainly fucking up.
(12) Everyone possesses unearned privilege. The only relevant questions are What kind? and How much?
(13) The fact that you don’t intend to exert unearned privilege doesn’t mean you aren’t doing so.
(14) If someone calls you out on assertion of your privilege, your dick will not fall off.
(15) Women will get along just fine without your input. If you are entertaining and funny, they might tolerate your presence.
UPDATE: I would like to clarify that my use of the phrase “fucking up” was intended to mean “behaving like a spoiled, vicious asshole”. My own privilege prevented me from seeing that this intention was not well executed, and that it had the effect of making this post sound like a guide book for d00ds to deal with the curious bizarre customs of those wacky feminists. I apologize for that.
This was not intended as a guide to fooling women into thinking you are a tolerable person. Rather, it was intended as a partial guide to how to actually be a tolerable person.